random plot
by hokama
Summary: CRACKFIC! me and my fellow authoress Mateya spend a random death note filled evening at my place! helaroty issues! Leamon. Yaoi. L x Light. Don't ask. cuz ya don't wanna know.


A/N: All right readers. It's Hokama here. Its 11:10 pm and my Bffl Mateya (and fellow authoress) just left. We came up with this idea together so I give her some recognition but the plot itself is mostly mine. Here it is. Yaoi warning. LxLight. Take it or leave it. P.S. most of this actually happened.

Random thing we came up with 

"Hey Hokama – kun." Mateya called as she walked in and sat down without even knocking on the door.

"Hey Mateya – chan. Must you take my keys?"

"Yes. Anyway, what's to eat?"

"I'll make tea, and I've got some tortilla chips and salsa in the fridge."

"Great!"

I roll my eyes and shake my head as she sits down in front of my computer and goes on much sugar do you want?" I ask taking the container from the cupboard.

"Same as always."

"I got you hooked didn't I?"

"Yeah you did."

"Curse my too-much-sugar loving ways. Seven heaping teaspoons it is then_. (A/n: seriously. That's how much sugar I put in my tea)_" I put the kettle on the stove top and turn back to her. Leaning on the edge of the counter, I ask.

"Vanilla shot?"

"Yes." she replies.

I sigh heavily. "I suppose I got you on that too right?"

"Yes. Of course you did."

"Alright. Vanilla extract it is._ (A/n: again, seriously. On top of the 7 teaspoons of sugar I put in it I also put in a dash of vanilla extract)" _I pull the bottle from the pantry were I keep my baking supplies and put it next to the two mugs I have on the counter. I hear the kettle whistle and I take it from the stove. Poring the water carefully, I call jokingly,

"Come and get it before I give it to the cat."

"Oh please Hokama – chan. Give that much sugar to the cat and you'll kill it."

"Good point." I agree. I pass her the mug and take the salsa and chips from the fridge. "God, what I wouldn't do without sugar. Want some cake?" I add.

"You have cake to?" she looks at me with disbelief on her face.

"Yeah. Made it earlier today. Triple chocolate fudge with homemade double icing sugar chocolate icing."

"Just thinking it makes my teeth rot." She rolls her eyes.

"You want some or not?" I ask impatiently. I get that way when it comes to sugar.

"No."

I look at her not believing. "You don't?" I hang my mouth open for effect.

"No." she turns back to the computer screen and begins typing. EXTREMELY slowly.

"Oh well. More for me then!" I grin happily, cut a large chunk of cake from the pan, and put in on a plate. "What is it you doing my yaoi - obsessed friend?"

"I AM NOT… well, ok maybe a little. Anyway, I'm reading that fic you wrote. That tobiDei fic."

I grab my cake and walk over. Pushing her out of my computer chair, I sit in said now – empty chair and begin to eat my cake.

"Hokama. Did you brush your hair today?"

I stare at her without blinking.

"Stop staring!! I hate it when you do that."

I grin impishly, cocking my head to one side I reply innocently.

"I have no idea what you're talking about Mateya – kun." I pick up my fork and stick it in the cake. Bringing it to my mouth, I pull the moist chocolate from it and allow the fork to dangle between my thumb and for finger.

"Holey shit Hokama. Total L moment…"

I raise an eyebrow at her. Shaking my head and sighing once more, I answer her earlier asked question.

"No Mateya. I have not brushed my hair. I'm sick remember? That's why you're here. That's also why I haven't been at school the last 3 days. The probability that you actually forgot that is below 5 percent… but then again. This is you we're talking about for it rises to about 13.5 percent. But still, it is rather unlikely." I continue, my gaze not leaving the computer screen.

"well, your hair is sticking up like L's did." she chuckles "And it's already days so you remind me so much of him its not fit. Oh by the way If you don't mind me asking. Were in HELL did you come up with that percentage?"

"Mateya." I say as if it was the simplest thing in the world. At this pint. I'm surprised she hasn't clued in yet. "I completely made it up. Well not completely. I am really good at math."

She bursts out laughing. I try desperately to contain my laughter. Keyword: try. I cracked up along with her. I calm down first.

"Well anyway. Moving right along. Why did you want to know why I didn't brush my hair?"

"Oh. Because with the way you were eating, and talking, and going on about sugar. You seemed SO much like L it wasn't even fit."

I give her one of my looks. She cringes. Smirking mentally, I go back to my computer. Mateya pulls up a chair beside me.

"What is it you're doing?" she asks, looking over my shoulder.

"Looking up an author. His name is lostmydragon. He writes Naruto stuff. I've got one I've GOTTA show you."

I bring the story up and she reads it. I sigh as she falls off her chair laughing. Taking a deep breath, I shake my head.

"Pull yourself together damn it!!" I roll my eyes and she laughs harder. She pulls herself together and shows me a story that she read one time. I read and reread it. I cover my face with my hands. I taste the salt as my own tears run into my lips. The story was so SAD!! WWAAHH!! She hands me a tissue and I glare at her threw my watery eyes. And do you know what she does?? SHE LAUGHS AT ME!!! All traces of my sadness disappearing I throw a mock – punch. I don't know my own strength very well. It connected with her stomach and the wind was knocked out of her. Oops.

"What the hell Hokama?!" she gets off the floor and puts a hand on her stomach.

I look at her innocently and smile in a very L like way. "Oops?" I try to sound convincing and NOT laugh at the total déjà vu going through my mind because something like this happens pretty much every time we're together. She grins and laughs. Again. I laugh along with her.

" I'm sorry Mateya – san. How about this. You forgive me and I write a nice long yaoi fic for you?"

"OK!" she jumps up and down and I sweat drop.

"I've got a better idea. How 'bout I make up one of the top of my head right now and tell it to you. You can pretend its happening right here on my living room floor."

She giggles and blushes. I can always get her with a good yaoi story, and if the way she reacts when I tell her one is any evidence… I'd have to say that (to her anyway) that I write a damn good one.

"Alright Mateya. What category do you want it in? Sasuke x Naruto… L x Light…Ed x Roy…Uchihacest…Elriccest…" I continue to list yaoi parings until her eyes glaze over at all the possibilities. I go back to the computer _(a/n: my life revolves around the thing)_ .She randomly bursts out L x Light.

"With all the L - centric things happening here this evening, why not?" she looks at me expectantly. Again, I sigh. She moves to sit on the floor next to me. I suddenly am reminded of when we were in third grade when the teacher asked me to read during story time. I ended up not reading at all. But instead, writing a near -completely new children's book. However, that's another story. I take a moment to think.

"Ok here it is Mateya. I'm a little rusty on the yaoi front. But I'll give it a shot." I take a breath and began my tale.

" " Light – kun. What are you doing?" L asked innocently as Light reached into his back pocket and pulled out the key to the handcuffs chaining them together.

"What does it look like?" light smirked a little as her unlocked his cuff and threw the key aside.

"Well there is a 46 percent chance that you are about to do something teenagers like to call 'fool around' " L replies just as innocently

"Your suspicion should be higher then that."

"You didn't let me finish. The possibility is steadily rising as you continue what you are doing Light – kun."

Light locked the other handcuff to L free wrist, securing him to the headboard of their shared bed. With a swift movement light straddled L's hips and crushed his lips to the dark haired teens." I pause to take in the expression on Mateya's face. Her eyes are glazed over with that look that I am so used to seeing. I continue with my story before her mind wonders too much.

" L groaned as he felt cold finger tips brush against his now – bare chest. Light smirked. This was going to be easier then he thought. He leaned back and removed his own shirt. Coming back down to attack the perfect porcelain skin of his prisoner's neck, he let his hands wander. He felt L strain against the chain binding his arm when Light gave a light squeeze to the growing bulge in the crotch of his jeans. Light took one of L's nipples into his mouth and slowly unzipped the fly of L's jeans. In a moment, L is completely stripped beneath his captor. He moaned and Light moved back to his lips. Before making contact Light whispered.

"What's your probability now?" he smirked when all he got for a response was a low, frustrated groan. Removing himself from L, light removed what was left of his own clothing.

Placing 3 fingers at L's mouth, he commanded him to suck. Taking the fingers in his mouth L ran his tongue around the digests slowly, teasingly. Light watched, intrigued as L moved his tongue slowly around his fingers. Taking them from L's mouth, he places them at L's entrance. Pushing one finger in, L showed no sign of discomfort. A second finger added and still, L showed no sign of pain. Light took no meaning to this, pushing in a third and final finger. He began thrusting them deeper into L. his finger tips brushed something inside of L with a different texture. L arched up and gave a small cry. Removing his fingers from the older male Light positioned himself. Pushing in fast and ruthless. L screamed. Then moaned with pleasure as Light began thrusting slowly.

"Come on Light – kun. I'm not going to break."

Light rolled his eyes. L wanted it harder? Who was he to deny him? With and extra burst of energy Light pounded into L as fast and as hard as he could. L moaned and panted loudly as he felt his own blood begin to run down his ass. He liked pain, what else was there to say? Light felt his release building and he reached around L's sculpted hip and began pumping his member. Determined to make the other come first he slammed into L with all his might, hitting his sweet spot dead on.

"LIGHT – KUN!" L cried out as he came hard into Lights hand. With one more shallow thrust, Light came inside his lover. Without a sound light moved away and began picking up his things. Walking to the attached bathroom to wash the blood (and other bodily fluids) from his body. L pulled the extra handcuff key from the hidden compartment next to the bars of the headboard where his hands were chained. Pulling his now freed hands down, he rubbed his wrists. He was used to the bruises constantly around them now. Grabbing the chain from the mattress, he started toward the bathroom. He did after all need to re - chain Light for to 'Help solve the Kira case' after all."

I finished and looked at Mateya. At some point, her jaw had dropped open and she was drooling. Passing her the tissue box, she snapped out of her trance.

"Holey shit Hokama. That was…pretty good. Did you just make that up off the top of your head?"

"Yeah." I smiled sheepishly.

She gave me that… "ZOMFG!!!!!" look. I again, turned back to the computer screen.

"I'm going to type up what happened and post in on YEAH!!" Mateya yells.

"Calm down. Paper bag. Paper bag." I chant bordly

She begins taking beep breaths and I mentally shake my head. She's s predictable to me. I suppose that's what happens when you've been best friends for 11 years. Yes, that's right people. 11 YEARS! I glance over at her to make sure she hasn't died or something, cause that would be very hard to explain. She has a bunch or tissues to her nose and I raise and eyebrow. I see a red liquid stain the tissues and I chuckle

"Nice Mateya. Nosebleed much."

"Shut up!" she says in that squeaky way your voice gets when you plug your nose.

"Damn. You've gotta go. Curfew remember?"

"Yeah. All right. Bye!" she gets up and I follow her to the door. Mock – glaring at her I say in a sorta serious voice.

"You owe me a box of tissues!!"

She grins and laughs. I grab her jacket and hand it to her. But not before snatching my keys from her pocket.

"See Mateya – chan!"

"Later Hokama – kun!"

We instinctively move to hug each other.

"See you tomorrow. Remember you might be coming over to help put up the Christmas decorations?"

"Right. Bye! I'll call you tomorrow!"

"Bye!" I call after her. The door slams and I open up a word document. I begin to type quickly.

"A/N: alright readers. It's Hokama here. Its 11:10 pm and my Bffl Mateya……" I say aloud as I continue to type.

**OWARI!!!**

A/n: ok. That's all there is folks.it was a horible lemon i know. but then agian. i made it up off the top of my head without much thought. Totally random night hey? Well its now 12:30 am and I'm off to bed. Night all!

-Hokama

P.S. please review. I want to know what you think of our crazy – ness.


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